Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Not for the weak of stomach

WARNING: if you are easily nauseated or have germ-a-phobe issues, this post is not for you. The words poop, diarrhea, squirts, and partially-digested foods in fecal form may be used.

Ok, so you get from the "warning" what this post may eventually be about, so let me start from the beginning, or somewhere close to the beginning. This afternoon after my blessed (that's bless-ED) Hudson had to run to the toilet for the third time, I realized that this was not just your average bowel movement day, that we had crossed the line into post-potty training diarrhea. Poor guy - he kept saying, "My body says I need to GO!" And then while sitting, "Why is my buns and tummy making sounds?" (poor bubba!) He went down for a merciful quiet time and slept past 4 o'clock. I usually wake him up if he happens to sleep until 4, but I knew his tummy was upset and let him rest. He woke up and seemed to be ok, but still kept things on the DL and let him lay in our bed and watch Toy Story 2 (Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!). Sidenote: I think I have listened to this movie at least 100 times over the past 10 months. Really.

After a tummy settling meal of mashed potatoes and a few nuggets, Daddy and Hudson played in the backyard for a bit and we all walked Chris over to worship practice. Big stuff, it is apparently quite a trip to walk to the church to where Daddy works. We dropped Daddy off and played in the parking lot for a while, climbing light posts, rolling down hills and racing up steps. While Anna was dutifully and very proudly conquering the steps, Hudson said, "I gotta go poopy!" Uh-oh. We're in the middle of the parking lot, sans shoes because we are in the grassy hilly area, and this kid's gotta go. We quickly assembled ourselves, and Hudson and Mommy (holding Anna) ran home as quickly as we could. Hudson tried to strip himself, but couldn't get the underwear down far enough for the long pants were in the way - he's used to shorts - yes, he was wearing long pants, it was cool today!

Eventually seated on the potty seat and Curious George Rides a Bike book in hand (one of many obsessions - Curious George) he allowed his body to let go, so to speak. I was busily running bath water and attempting to strip Anna's clothes, because her new idea for the bathroom is crawling like lightning to the toilet to investigate. She was placed in the tub, enjoying the water, Hudson was reading me the pictures (which works really well for those pre-reading skills, but honestly he pretty much has the book memorized, so he did a very nice job. My kid's a genius :) I was helping Hudson and listening to him read and Anna pulled herself up to the side of the tub to look and grin at us. Then she tooted. OR, so I thought.

I walked over to soap her up and realized not toots, poops. Not just any poop that you can normally scoop out of the water as a Mommy - you know, the poop balls. Nope, big terdies and then the partially-digested beans from the chili last night turned fecal matter. This was no scoop, drain and clean job. THIS was much more involved. And let me tell you, I can handle bodily fluids from my kids. I mean, really, Hudson had Reflux so badly his first year that he puked on me several times a day and I would carry an extra outfit for myself in the car when we were out. In .3 seconds, I evacuated the tub, wiped Hudson's buns, sat Anna on the potty seat (just in case, because she's done this before and pooped on the toilet more - see picture below) and told Hudson not to sit on anything in the house because he was sans underwear and a not as cleanly wiped bum as usual (or at least i didn't get to inspect as closely as I usually do).

I removed Anna from the toilet, sat her naked self on the floor and looked at the tub to see how to tackle this. Mainly because we don't have a normal drain. We have a sieve drain, the holey kind (Lord have mercy, certainly not Holy at this point in time!). At this point, I look over to see lighting Anna has made it to the toilet and stuck her hand in the water. Immediately she is taken to the sink and fully sanitized. Then I asked big brother to follow Anna around and make sure she didn't poop anywhere in the house (now, why didn't I diaper her? I don't know, I am asking myself the same question). I I tried to clean out the big pieces from the tub, and then started gagging as I removed the sludg-y type leftover stuff. I gagged. Really, I thought I was going to hurl into the tub, which would've made things worse.

Tub gets cleaned with Soft Scrub. Wiped Down. Hot water with Bleach wiped down and then rinsed. All toys that were in the tub go to the kitchen sink to be bleach sanitized at a later point. Then I go and find both my naked buns children in the kitchen playing on the floor with balls and step through a huge puddle, realizing immediately that Anna pee-peed all over the kitchen floor. Deal with that later. Pee I can do later. Gotta prioritize at this point. Both chilluns go into the tub, and we uneventfully get ready for bed. But really, I had to share that story, because for all those parents out there that have had the anticipation of putting their children to bed uneventfully (because that only happens on nights when there are two adults in the house), you know that this happens at the most inopportune times, the time when you know God is already stretching you and you don't think you can stretch anymore. Well, Hudson heard me say it many times during this ordeal, "Dear God, Please Help Me!" He helped. He stretched me. He taught me to prioritize. And, hopefully, He helped you get a good laugh.


Marion said...

Oh my. How I can relate... I particularly liked running Hudson and Anna to your house from the parking lot, Toy Story 2 (hooray for TS2! - we love that one), poop balls (I have so many poop ball stories to tell), the gagging, and the multiple sanitizing opportunities! Poor little kiddos. Doesn't sound like much fun. Hope they get over it quickly!

The Wyler Family said...

wow! that's all i can say. i have so much to look forward to, don't i.

Trace said...

Thanks for the warning. Only read half of it and then skipped down to the comments.
What's funnier to me is the word verification that I need to type in to post this is "plumpdump" - GET OUT!

Barb Norton said...

I so needed a laugh. You are hysterical girl!