Anna’s clean heart

“Jesus please come in my heart.  Make it clean.  Help me make good dee-shizons.  Show me how to love.  Amen.”

These were Anna’s words as she laid in bed tonight and we were chatting.  My heart was, and is, overflowing with the joy of hearing her ask very intuitive questions and put the pieces together.

She has been very aware the past month as she has memorized our family verse for April; “God loves the world so much that he gave His son to die for our sins.” John 3:16 

Sometimes I look into her beautiful chocolate eyes and wonder if what we hope to be living and teaching is soaking in…and over the past month I’ve been hearing words come out of her mouth that indicate a 3 1/2 year old’s level of introspectiveness. 

She is beginning to see the world outside of her own eyes – seeing and understanding consequences; feeling a great deal of empathy.  We’ve been talking a lot about why Jesus had to die on the cross?  Why did he have to die to make our hearts clean?  What is sin?   She has been saying at the end of her prayers (be still my heart), “thank you for the cross”.

And tonight, it was very apparent as she was talking to me that she got it.  She’s talked around it before, but tonight, she knew in her head that she wanted to be clean.  That’s where it started.  She asked if her heart was dirty because of sin.  “Is my heart dirty when I fuss and whine and not show love?”

How I wanted to say no (because who wants to think their child is anything but perfect?), but I know the truth, and so did she.  “Yes Anna.  Our hearts are dirty when we sin.  Who is the only one who can make our hearts clean for God?”

“Jesus.  He makes my heart clean.”  She then continued to talk about loving others more and making good “dee-shizons” and being nice to her friends.  “I love God, mommy.  I want to have a clean heart and be nice.”

Anna, when Jesus is in your heart, you have to ask Him to  help you make good choices.  He will help you love others more, but you have to ask Him to help you do that.

And then came the moment my heart has been hoping for….a moment that we have been praying for since her conception, before we knew her face or her name….we prayed together and she asked God to make her heart clean; to live in her.  And I know that while Chris and I rejoice here, that there is one big party goin’ on in heaven tonight!

Nearly every night before I go to bed, I go in and kiss her beautiful face and admire the gift that God has given me in this child; a child that teaches me everyday what grace, mercy, faith, love, joy, peace and forgiveness look like.  I whisper these words as my heart overflows with thanks…and I will continue to do so, with fervor and gratitude.

“May she walk in grace, live by love, and may her heart see and know the truth to share it with others every day of her life.”