He was. He is.

For me, when something touches me deeply, when I am forced to contemplate, mull, discover, reflect, it takes me a while to write about. First I have to figure out and arrange how I feel about something in my head and then let my heart pour out. This is to explain what is to come next...

There’s a word I hate.

Cancer.

Hate that word. Really. I’ve heard that word more than enough times in my life. If someone came up with a new descriptor for the disease, I’d still hate it. But that word sends chills to my bones and makes my heart heavy. Too much experience. Too much hurt.

And yet it is here again.

Four weeks ago, Chris was diagnosed with cancer. A highly treatable, curable kind of cancer. God’s hand has been in our lives as long as we both can remember, and this experience has been no exception. He was working in us before Chris went to the doctor; He was with us as we got the grim look and very serious words from our family doctor that he was nearly 100% sure it was cancer; He was in the moves that our doc made in getting Chris into ultrasound, chest xrays, bloodwork, and the surgeon all within 72 hours of the diagnosis.

He was there as Chris laid in the chamber getting his CT scan and with the surgeon’s hands and nurses as Chris underwent surgery the following day. He was in Chris’ recovery. He was moving in our hearts and providing peace, comfort and support. He was in the meals that friends provided, He was in the love extended through kind words and notes. He was with us as we sat in the radiologists office going over treatment options – a bit surreal. He was with us as we sat waiting and looking at the cancer clinical trials. He was with us as we prayed and thought and tried to digest what was really happening. He was.

HE IS.

And that’s the best part. He is. He is with us. He is in us. He is beside us as Chris begins intensive radiation therapy this Friday. He is healer, master, comforter, grace provider, peace giver, and God. He knows. Whatever come, be it blessings upon blessings, or allowing Him to carry us when it’s tough, HE IS.

There’s this verse that I have hanging in our bedroom. I originally put it up there as we were going through the trials of trying to sell our house in AZ for 2.5 years, but I love how scripture moves you and continues to move you as circumstances change. Yet I still like to read it and I am trying to allow it to sink in and permeate my soul, because just as it was applicable to the Israelites thousands of years ago, it is still applicable to me today. Because He was and is the Word.

Do not be afraid, stand firm, and see the deliverance that the LORD will accomplish for you....The LORD will fight for you, and you only have to keep still. Exodus 14:13-14

I think that this verse reminds me that I really do need to be “still and know that He is God.” I need to seek peace, refuge and strength in the One that knows what tomorrow holds. He has entrusted us with this trial, which means He trusts us! And if He trusts us to remain faithful to Him and bring him glory in this, how can we not trust in Him? And so we do. Because....

He was.

                    He is.

                                He will always be.